I have found it easy to write in my journals, since blogger just isn't the same as pencil and paper sometimes. I have had so much going on in my head. Everything is disorganized, but I'm sitting down and going to do my best to lay it out and drop a little bit of the burden on here. I don't reference my notes often, but it's good to have them. It makes me feel less pressure to haver everything in mind all of the time. I found that has been one of the more exhausting things I've put myself through.
So life, how are we doing Christian? I am pretty good at not acknowledging myself or discussing myself to my friends. A little mental self maintenance is necessary. I feel like last year brought a shift that made me lose a little bit of sight. I've never taken so little care myself. I went into the worst shape of my life and think I hit a bit of depression that I very actively hid from most people. It's been a whirlwind of a couple years that have made me lose a little bit of sight of my own identity. I didn't have the easiest childhood, but I developed appreciation for friends and family. That's me. Taking time everyday to absorb a moment. Mentally record a good laugh with someone. I've missed that me. But I'm reclaiming that part of me. That me made me a better friend, relative, lover. I thought neglecting myself was acceptable as I helped my family's burdens, but I was off.
These past few weeks have been progress. I fully intend to hit the ground running and improve. I know myself well enough to feel I'm changing gears in the right direction. I've needed a lot of reflection and will continue to need it.
Family life: My mom has been doing really well. I'm actually super happy for her because she reconnected with a cousin and some relatives in Colorado. She's flirting with the idea of moving there next year. I'd miss her for sure, but I'd be ecstatic for her, and I have an extra reason to visit Colo, which is on my bucket list. I spoke with my sister, and I think we're in agreement that we may stay in this house just until next summer. I have so many good memories here, so it'll be bittersweet. My brother has been doing better, and I'm going to continue to be a support when he needs it.
Friends: There's been such a shock to the system in the last 12 months or so with friends. A friend I thought would surely be a friend for life is someone I had to leave in the past. I sincerely hope he finds his way. I have reconnected with Tania and Britt. Tania is crazy, but she's one of those friends I always had no matter the time gaps. She also introduced me to J. I'm still getting to know her, but I find her intriguing and her friendship has been so rewarding and fun. Sofia and Erin are newish characters that kick ass. Lane has been a great dude I respect and have to hang out with more. Chelsea is a person I've grown to care for. What started low stakes and effortless, became real. Learning all about her world has been a highlight. The word 'space' has come up in conversation a lot as of late. Our friendship changes a lot, but I hope it's here to stay.
Work life: I'm slightly torn here. I love almost everyone I work with. I do see a plateau, and although I would miss my peeps a great deal, I am considering looking at all opportunities while still working there. I suspect I'll even move next summer, so maybe back to Dallas? I'm not fully ready to launch into the planning phase, but no doors are closed and it's exciting.
Dating: Next question! So, I've taken a few steps here. I still feel like I need to make myself more of a viable option, but I'm getting there. The last few recent dates were a mixed bag. I am excited to get myself ready. One shift I've made is I will enjoy things more as they happen in the mean time. But Damnit, I can and will be a catch! :-)
Self: Tsk tsk! I've been so stressed this year. More times than I would want, I've gotten anxiety and wanted to call a friend to just burst out and let the floodgates open. I will always be grateful for everyone who is there, even if I hesitated to reach out. It's been about half a year of not physically or mentally taking care of myself. I'm stopping that on it's tracks. I am motivated and I know I won't let myself down. :-) Also, I have a half marathon to prepare for next year. I'll be ready. Beachbod 2023 haha.
So as usual, a work in progress. I feel good though. A lot has happened in a short amount of time, and I'm going to rock the fuck out of this fall and winter.
To Dos:
-Gym routine- no excuses
-September Bdays- Angelica, Ernest, Chels, Will, Nikolette, Claire
-One week of PTO left, use it this year, let it roll into next year?
-Dentist
-Road Trip/Event! I crave! I crave!
-Some TLC for my car if road trip is a go
