My What a Dusty Old Blog

Here I am step from deleting a blog that's been all but dead. It was hardly consistent, but I believe it helped at the time. Reading back makes me realize I've changed a bit, but my past self and I share some of the same optimisms, concerns, and curiosities. My mind gets a bit distracted at times, so maybe this will help. And if you stumble back on this page, Chels.. yeah I'm totally stealing your idea of actual journaling. Maybe going back to putting stuff down on paper (not paper) will organize my thoughts a bit more. Maybe it's a one off.. I don't know the future.. I barely know the present. 

Working through last year was one of the most mentally draining things I've had going. One thing I realized I left pending is reflecting on the passing of a family friend early last year. We grew up with his daughters and he was always present at family events. He was a master in the kitchen and I have fond memories of trying out all the stuff he made for us as kids at pool parties. He was one of the first deaths from Covid in Fort Worth, and just like that a familiar face would stop making appearances. As far as good father figures go, I lack exposure. But man, this guy was an Ace. Anger isn't an emotion I have much of a relationship with, but there was a bit of that and a sense of powerlessness working in a place where most people disregarded safe practices when it came to covid. I've never really felt fully at home, but living in a city/state where rebelling against precautions and vaccines is something to be proud of left me feeling out of place, and maybe still does in a way. 

Thankfully, things at home have been solid-ish. We've got our ups, downs, and inbetweens.. but there's no doubt I'm glad we're doing okay for the most part. Sometimes I think about my mom, my siblings, friends. Where are they? Where can I help? I badly want to hit a pause button, collect my thoughts, and fire off a perfect plan. But time has no patience, so I've gotta stumble through like a dork and make the best of what I can as everyone moves forward. Something I'm late to learning is that improving myself puts me in the best spot to help. And that's something I feel I'm getting right. There's a lot of tension built in overthinking. I just have breathe, trip, and fall when necessary. No one's looking.. and if they are, whooo cares! Onward!!

Random Notes:

-Fall is here, fall weather is not.. I'm not against being fashionably late, but tick tock..

-Red Hot Chili Peppers! I haven't been to a concert in a forever and a day. I am pumped to break that hiatus with Chelsea. 

-Apparently a movie was worth a mention in my last post.. so along the same vein, the show Community has been 6/5 so far. I overlooked it big time. It's also been a blast to watch it with the coolest person.

- I'm set on my first tattoo. It's simple, but I know I'm going to be happy with it. At the moment I'm leaning with my left shoulder/arm. I've been brainstorming ideas for my second

- Reconnected with a cousin. I've been doing very little outings, and this one was brief but oh so welcome. 

-Won some at a casino. Funnest 5 or so minutes of gambling! The person offered to give me gaming vouchers if I preferred them instead of cash.. ha ha ha.. not a chance... I was  little paranoid having that much cash in my pocket. Thank goodness for social distancing on the way back to my room. 

Casino/Hotel "Bring us your money!"

-I need a new hobby.. ideas?? I'm mulling going out for runs. I hate running, but the treadmill is a beast of boredom. Maybe hiking is a happy compromise. Of course the guitar is something I could stop putting off. There's also cooking/baking. I enjoyed learning new stuff, so it might be worth taking up again. Whatever it is.. gotta add to the list of my MAD SKILLZZ. 

Work stuff:

-Thankfully drama is at an all time low! Sure there would never be a dull moment if we had a camera crew-worthy scandal every five minutes, but I'm good with a little boring. 

-Here comes the cavalry! My sis is jumping into the work Ohana, and I couldn't be more psyched about it. My niece liked to remind me that "Ohana means family".. and yess it does. Glad it's literally the case this time. Sure we've had out little fits with each other, but having worked with her before, I know we've got this! 

-There's a few upcoming options for travel. I'm really leaning towards doing it. I'm getting the grasp of everything, and although I never considered myself teacher material, I think I can swing it! They just have to stop offering Dallas and Frisco! Give me other states, please and thank you!

Blah, so yeah, Old News: I'm a work in progress.. Breaking News: I'm a work in progress. 

Okay, yeah, maybe it's time for that haircut.